Okay, a few fast facts first. Difficulty is synonymous to life; that’s fact number 1. It’s not possible to please every soul on earth; that’s fact number 2. Sometimes even people can be so difficult that it becomes impossible to be in their presence, let alone please them; that’s fact number 3. Many of you would have had instances where you came across a person with whom having a decent conversation was like avoiding yourself from being drowned in hellish quicksand, and the more you tried to come out it the more you got deeper into the thick puddle. Theory goes – if stuck in quicksand, peddling or moving too much can get you submerged in it. Same is the case with handling difficult people; if you try to react too much to the person, it’ll only feed to him/her. However, if you’re able to restrain yourself from feeding to this person and try to understand and build trust, the difficulty can be averted. The rest of the article will discuss about how to handle difficult people.
Handling Difficult People
Cause
In your mind, just go through the conversations you’ve had with this person. Try to reflect back and check whether talking about pretty much anything causes an argument or is it some restricted topics? If it is some limited issues like religion or politics, stay out of them. But if it’s everything that causes a verbal riot, try to stay as neutral as possible in your conversations. If you see an argument beginning to build up, change the subject or leave the room.
Two-Sided Affair!
It would help if you let go of the feeling to bring the person to justice, or in other words, don’t try to change him/her to your likeness. It will only make things worse and you’ll find yourself deep into the mess, more frustrated than before. Understand that the difficulty is not because of the other person being one-sidedly demonic, but is so because of both the parties involved. Responding in a healthy way can help get rid of the tussle and create a positive environment between you two.
The Positives
Sometimes, it is the most difficult thing to do but it would greatly help to make amends if you try to be the bigger person. Leave behind the “why me” attitude and just do it. It’s more so needed if that person is really dear to you. Look for the positive aspects of that person rather than constantly getting frustrated over their not so positive ones. Overcome your craving to correct as this would only lead to argument. This way that person will feel more appreciated and you both, for a change will enjoy the time together.
Seek Support
A too good an employee or a person you love too much to let go but with whom you can’t do anything but argue can be quite a pickle. If you’re in this situation then finding solace in a trustworthy friend or a family member can help you get the load off your chest. Consulting a therapist can help in removing the source of conflict and take much of the pressure off the strenuous relationship.
Build Trust
Difficult persons are normally difficult with everyone in general and don’t hold any personal grudges against anyone. Often, it’s the way they have been dealt in the past that has made them difficult. And most of the times, it’s nothing but lack of trust in others which is the reason for behaving in this way. This can be changed if you can build a sense of trust with that person, allowing him/her to lay aside the inhibitions and act normally without being feisty.
Caution: Negativity!
Negativity has a knack of breaking, entering, and spreading like an out of control virus. And once it spreads, it transforms even the straight thinkers into unconscious talkers. Therefore, it becomes all the more important for you to not allow the negativity of the difficult person to get you too. And as far as opinions are concerned, remember that what is acceptable to you may not be acceptable to someone else, and this someone else needn’t necessarily be the one that’s difficult to handle. Let go of the need to be always right!
Stay Out and Understand
As they say “a book held too close hand is often difficult to read”. Try and read the book from a little distance and you might understand what it says. Staying silent to the attacks of the instigator and merely becoming an observer when that person talks to you or someone else can help you in detaching yourself from the emotional responses and looking at the situation with clarity of thought; understanding the emotions and thought process of the person.
It’s important that you keep well to these ways of handling difficult people without getting difficult in the process. It’s even more important that you don’t fall into criticism; neither to the other person nor to yourself.
